Adoption

Last night, Keith & I attended an adoption seminar at a local, private adoption agency here in Boise. The seminar started at 6:30, and we got there at 6:32.  The only reason for being late was because their website listed the number and the street, but not the direction of the street (West vs. East), so we were about 1 mile too far west at first. 

The 2 minutes we missed were the entire introduction about the actual agency (go figure), so we only picked up bits & pieces.  What we could collect from paperwork & further discussion is that “ANB” is a not-for-profit, private adoption agency.  They are licensed in Idaho, Oregon & Utah.  They also do home studies and evaluations for “waiting children” adoptions and international adoptions.  

“Waiting Children” is their name for adoptions done through the foster care system, of children who are in the system & parental rights have been terminated.  Prospective adoptive parents would still have to go through the Foster Care licensing and be approved by Health & Welfare for the adoption.  ANB only does the home study and assists with placement, thus collecting a nice fee. As they were telling us about this program, Keith and I tried (and failed) to reign in our snickering, especially when they continually talked about how wonderful it is to work with Health & Welfare and how easy it is to adopt a child through the foster care program.  Scratch that one off the list.

International adoptions are just that.  ANB does the home study & certification for those as well, then refers you to an international adoption agency to do the rest.  They did tell us that their fee for the international program is $1500. However, most international adoptions cost between $18,000 and $32,000 and take anywhere from 6 months to 2 years.  The cost does not include your travel to the country, which is required at least once, and sometimes up to 3 times.  We had already ruled international adoption out, as we knew that the travel would kill us, not to mention the outrageous cost.  No wonder the celebrities all do it. They have the money and time to blow.

The rest of the seminar was just about local, private adoption.  They network to all 50 states, but most babies come through the three states I mentioned above. 

First, you have to fill out an application, pay an application fee and start the training process.  $300.

Next, you put your name on one or two lists.  If you want a Caucasian baby, you go on a Pre-List.  The Caucasian waiting list is actually full – they do 25 people at most – so you are on a waiting list to go on the waiting list.  When somebody adopts on the list, they open the one spot and you move from the pre-list to the list-list.  No surprise, but Caucasian babies are the most high in demand, and also the hardest to actually find, especially since Caucasian is the most prevalent race in the North West.

They also have the Trans-Racial adoption, which is a baby any other race than your own.  This list is much shorter.  Anyhow, you go on one or both lists.  Once you pass the application and training phase, you move into the home study phase.  They do 3 separate home visits, 3-5 interviews of you, your spouse & both together.  They help you write up a profile, which will be viewed by birth moms.  This is how the birth mom picks the couple to adopt her baby. You have to read a book & write a ‘report’ on it.  They were very specific that you are not writing a book report saying what the book was about (they already know what it is about), but you have to write what you got out of it.  Semantics.  The home study & program is $900 and $750 respectively.  The process takes anywhere from 2-4 months.  

Then, you just wait.  The wait is from 2 months (after you complete the home study & training) to 3 years. 

The placement fee is $10,000, plus a $2,500 medical deposit for a local (3 states) placement.  That does not count the travel expense that we pay if we have to leave Idaho to pick up the baby.   If a baby is available outside of those three states, the placement fee is determined by the out-of-state agency, and can run from $16,000 to $35,000.  If the mom doesn’t have Medicaid or other insurance, we pay the medical costs, as well. 

The only other big surprise was their “Infant Outreach Program”, which is where they teach you how to basically market yourself to prospective birth moms (see: Juno).  They teach you what you can legally say, do, write, etc.  You can set up a web site, an 800-number, and/or business cards to get the word out across the nation that you are looking to adopt.  Birth moms can find you on the internet and not necessarily just through ANB.  If ANB helps you through this kind of adoption, the placement fee drops to $8,500, but you also pay $150 a month for a program fee for them to be there “in-case” you have any legal or counseling questions.  I think they also put you on a waiting list, but this is apparently a quicker way to get a baby. 

There are some stipulations for each type of adoption regarding our ages, number of children in the home, etc.  For the local adoptions, each applicant must be between the ages of 25 and 45, and can have no more than one child. 

We haven’t been completely on the adoption bandwagon yet.  We’ve never been told that we cannot conceive children of our own.  We still have 2 frozen cycles we can do when we can come up with the money. 

While we haven’t ruled out adoption completely, it’s on a back table in a back room in the basement, behind boxes.  We decided after the seminar last night, if we were to spend that kind of money for a baby, we might as well do one or two more IVF cycles and have our own biological child.  Again, it’s not like we have money to do that either…but if we’re spending the money, we’d rather do IVF again. 

So, next time someone asks, we can say “Yes!  We have looked into adoption, and it isn’t for us, at least not at this time.” 

It still simply amazes me that you must have an incredibly disposable income to overcome infertility.