The emotional rollercoaster

K is out hunting with his brother and nephews this weekend.  He was extremely excited to go out and (hopefully) see Gavin get his first buck.  I always get kinda sad when he leaves, especially since I feel like I really don't have any friends here in Idaho.  I have a few that I get together with on occasion, but for the most part, our lives are all so separate.  I have my single, voraciously independent friends.  They are amazing women.  But, a lot of the time, my married-trying-to-have-babies lifestyle doesn't quite fit in with their social calendars.  I also have our married couple friends.  However, most activities with them are done as "couples" and I'm a broken couple this weekend. 
All of my life-long friends - my "pre-K" friends - live in other states with husbands and kids of their own.  Sometimes I miss Becki & Monica so bad it hurts. There are times when it sucks being an adult. 

Anyhow, today I was doing laundry and catching up on all my shows that I recorded.  At the end of Private Practice, there was a patient who was pregnant and had chronic pain.  Her pain was so bad that her husband couldn't touch her belly to feel the baby kick and that broke his heart.  She had a surgery, the results were perfect (because, of COURSE they were!) and after she was awake, he came in the room to check on her.  She took his hand and put it on her belly and he felt the baby move.  All was perfect in the world. 
I started bawling.  Just uncontrollable crying.  The thoughts of K never being able to feel a baby move in my belly overwhelmed me.  I even tear up as I write this.  So, I just let myself cry for about 20 minutes.  I couldn't seem to stop, no matter how strangely the dogs looked at me.  Cleo kept head-butting me, knowing something was wrong.  Finally, it passed.  I felt stupid. 

I blame it entirely on the medications.  Yes, I'm a fairly emotional person.  I cry like a baby at Extreme Makeover, Home Edition.  I get chills and tears in my eyes when I hear a good, heart-warming song.  But to completely lose control like that?  Thank you Lupron!  One of the biggest side-effects is menopausal-like mood swings.  Get me off this ride!

I have a friend, Courtney, that is going through IVF with Dr. Slater's partner, Dr. Faulk, in November.  She is a week behind me on the whole schedule.  She had to start her Lupron today.  I thought about her all morning, as she is petrified of needles.  She has been positively flipping out about this for weeks now.  I sent her a text message asking how her first shot went.  She informed me that she nearly passed out, felt very nausease and finally had to have her husband give her the shot.  I picture him pinning her down on the bed, ripping the top to the needle off with his teeth, and stabbing it into her belly.  I wish we lived closer just so I could do each shot for her, but she's 3 hours away.  To try and make her feel a bit better, I told her about my blubbering-idiot moment.  She told me to stop being a dummy and turn off the tear-jerkers.  Huh. Logic.

I went to lunch today with one of my feircly independent girlfriends today.  I absolutely adore catching up with Christy.  She brings out the reluctant shopper in me, too.  She helped quickly get rid of any lingering blues and bounce right back into normalcy.  After I got home, I had a delivery at the door:

I bet she didn't expect me to start crying again!