A couple weeks ago, a friend & I were discussing Valentine’s day, and my total hatred for the holiday. She was a bit surprised at my vehemence about the day.
Let me start by saying my dislike of V-day does not stem from a horrible childhood or teen years where I did not receive flowers from a crush or any unrequited love issues. When I was a kid, I loved V-day. Making little mailboxes out of an old shoebox. Decorating it with glitter and crimped ribbons and putting the little slot in the top-making sure it was big enough for candy to fit through as well. Then I would painstakingly go through each card I was to give to my classmates. I remember My Little Pony, Rainbow Bright, Star Wars, Popples and Pound Puppy cards. Some were more romantic than others, so obviously those had to be reserved for the special boy(s) of the year. My mom always got the variety candy for me to use with the cards, so I would pick out my favorite candy and also reserve that for the love of the week. It was a long, arduous process. Then, the next day at school, the frenzy began. Each person would laugh and run around the classroom, placing their cards & gifts into the shoeboxes perched on the corner of the desks. We would try and sneak in the card to our “loves” while they weren’t looking, for fear of embarrassment if they saw us put it in directly. Then we would sit at our desks and eagerly open each card and sort through the candy, all the while watching our crushes out of the corner of our eyes, trying to gauge their reaction to our specific card. Of course, all the cards look exactly the same from afar. And attention still had to be paid to our own gifts. And then the day was over. We would swoon for a few days over a particular card or two, trying to put much more meaning into the “you are my candy girl” saying than was truly meant. Then we moved onto different things and different holidays. Pinch me if I’m not wearing green!!! Tee hee hee.
Later, in middle school and high school, the stakes were higher. Not everyone got a card from me. Just the special one guy at the time. And, of course, all my best friends. If there wasn’t a special guy at the moment, the single girls would swoon over the flowers/teddy bear/box of candy that our attached friends received. We would secretly be jealous. We would watch the breakups of the couples who didn’t do it correctly. “Jimmy didn’t get you flowers and chocolate and a necklace? Gees, he gets like $3 a week in allowance. Why couldn’t he buy it for you??? What a jerk. You were right to dump him.” So what if they got back together the next week? It was all about taking a stand!
So, I enjoyed Valentine’s Day the way it was meant to be enjoyed during the younger years, when “true love” was fickle and changed monthly (or sometimes daily). Then I grew up.
I realized that if my significant other needs a specific day to tell me he loves me, there is something wrong in the relationship. Hallmark, Sees Candy and 1-800-Flowers says you must show me you love me on this very day.
Men (and women for that matter) painstakingly chose the right card to say everything they aren’t capable of saying themselves. The card expresses all their emotions and thoughts just right, in the perfect way, describing their relationship exactly as the unique love that it is (and every other relationship that picks the same card). They sign “I love you” and their name.
Sharing feelings that someone else wrote? Check!
Next is the candy. Why on earth candy is a part of “I love you”, I’ll never understand. Little chalk-tasting hearts with cute little “email me” sayings. That’s opening up! A box of wax-like chocolate treats for $30? It’s the thought that counts. And the “those damn chocolates went straight to my thighs” for the next 3 months.
Flowers!! Oh flowers. Buy a bouquet of roses in July as an anniversary present, and it’s $19.99 plus a delivery fee. Buy a bouquet of roses for Valentine’s Day? $69.99 if preordered by January 1st, delivery not guaranteed on the 14th of February and no refunds if they are dead or if they are carnations. What? You want to throw in a little teddy bear with a “be mine” heart? Oh, that’s an extra $14.99 and it may end up being a left over Halloween spider. No refunds or returns.
And then, my personal favorite, is the jewelry. Girls, you weren’t special enough to get that heart-shaped diamond necklace you’ve been begging for the whole year. Until today. When all your friends got the same one because there was a sale last week. And the original proposals!! We got engaged on Valentine’s Day. Awwwww!!! So did 90% of every other couple! How special and original. He sure put a lot of planning into it. Of course, the waiter put your ring in the desert of the other table because that guy over there, too, was proposing tonight.
Also, the whole day comes down to the man’s responsibility. The man has to buy the presents, get the sappy card, make the reservations and basically be who he really isn’t good at being. All because the calendar says it is February 14th. That’s a lot of pressure. And women really stick it to the guy if they don’t meet expectations. Sad, but true.
So, it really comes down to me just disliking the whole basis of the day. If you love me, tell me. Every day. For no reason at all. Because you love me. Not because Hallmark and Kay Jewelers says you have to . Buy me flowers because I am having a bad day, or it’s my birthday, or our anniversary. A day special to us as a couple. Propose when you want to, not when you feel you are obligated to. Take your significant other out to dinner to celebrate your love other than the day you are required to be in love.
The very first Valentine’s Day Keith & I were dating, he got me some flowers and a little hanging monkey. I did the appropriate swooning and pictures. I still have the monkey hanging from our bedpost. And then I told him if he ever wasted money on the day again, I’d kill him. His words? “God I love you!”
Maybe I’m just one of the lucky ones. He tells me every day that he loves me. Numerous times a day. With each phone call. Each email. Each text message. We never go to sleep without a kiss goodnight. We never run to the corner market without “loveyoubye” being said. A phone call isn’t over until “love you, love you too” is uttered. He will buy me little gifts because he saw it and wanted to make me smile. I will get him a card or put a note in his lunchbox because the mood struck me.
Screw the calendar. Every day is Valentine’s Day for us. And I think that’s why I don’t like the holiday. If every day isn’t Valentine’s Day in your relationship, you may need a different calendar.
