Big Baby Step!

If, at approximately 7:35a.m. MST, you felt the world stop turning for a fraction of a second; you weren’t imaging things. It really happened.

Keith gave me a shot this morning!!!! Mister I’m-so-terrified-of-needles-I-don’t-even-like-seeing-them-on-TV, gave me my Lupron shot this morning. It took some convincing that I seriously cannot feel the needle since it’s an insulin needle. It’s also a very small amount of fluid. I finally got through to him when I told him it’s about the size of an acupuncture needle.

He was so gentle, I had to tell him to push harder to actually break the skin with the needle, but after that, he did great! He didn’t push the needle in when he pushed the plunger. He didn’t even make me bleed!

Have I created a monster? Probably not. I don’t know that he’ll be able to handle a 22-gauge with 4cc of fluid and figuring out the bevel-down, draw back for blood issue. Heck, I don’t know if I want to teach him that as the pincushion. But, this is one heck of a baby-step for him!

Let's get this party started!

Tomorrow, March 18, I start The Lupron shots. What is Lupron, you ask? 

So, I asked the smart interwebz invisible doctors and this is what they said: 

Doc Holliday says "Lupron (leuprolide) overstimulates the body's own production of certain hormones, which causes that production to shut down temporarily."

Doctor Quinn, medicine woman says "Leuprolide usually causes women to stop ovulating or having menstrual periods."

Sally asks: "What is Lupron and why do I need to take it?"

Dr. McDreamy says "It is used to decrease the amount of hormone you make for a short time and to prevent an “early LH surge” or ovulation. This LH surge happens when the ovaries release the eggs (i.e. ovulate) before the desired time or before the time of the egg retrieval."

So, there you have it. A bunch of smart people explain stuff for us. Gotta love the world wide dictionary. 

Yep, so I start this magical shot tomorrow to put my reproductive system to bed for a while. I will continue taking my mint flavored birth control pills (not only are the minty fresh, they taste this way to encourage youngsters to chew them if needed. So many things wrong with that statement).  Considering the stupid birth control has had me spotting for three weeks (WHOPPEEE, not), maybe the Lupron with smack that bitch down.  

Last week, I took K's back-up sample on down to Doc Slater for washing & freezing. His swimmers we nuzzled in a biohazard plastic bag between my boobies on the trip there. A friend called it the clean-freak's pearl necklace. 

This past weekend, I got all productive and got my crap in order. I made our fertility calendars for the next two months.  I wrote down our appointments and medication schedules. We both get to be on Doxycycline for 10 days for some reason I'm not clear on.  That starts tomorrow with my Lupron shot. 

Here's the calendars. They will be updated April 1st after the baseline ultrasound and they add in the FSH shots (follicle stimulating hormones). Looks like I will be on 3-4 a day from that point forward. 

Here is what 2 months of calendars look like for our cycle:

Here is what $3,000 of cold, hard cash will get you in the pharmaceutical world. 

 

In case counting isn't in your evening plans, that's 10 boxes of injectable fun, 4 bottles of oral fun, and 28 days of vaginal suppository fun!  Oh, and a shit-ton of needles, alcohol swabs, baby band aides, and a sharps container to tie it all together.  This picture does NOT show the horse-size prenatal vitamins, or the baby aspirin I forgot to buy. Or the minty flavored-possibly chewable-birth control. 

I'll keep you updated on how the shots progress. Tons and tons of exciting things happening for me in the next few weeks that I can't wait to tell y'all about! 

Breakdown #1

Im pretty good at avoiding breakdowns. I may get watery eyes on occasion, or feel bitter, but a full blown breakdown is rare. It is weak, and I need to be strong. 

But tonight, watching my favorite show "How I Met Your Mother", Lily told Marshall she was pregnant. Marshall said they are going to Italy. She says they can't have a baby in Italy and give up his judge-ship. He says they are going to Italy to live her dream because she's giving him his dream, again (as he rubs her belly). 

I was done. Broken. I started bawling. 

What if? What if I can't make Keith a daddy? He deserves to be a daddy. 

What if my parents and his parents don't get to meet their grandchildren? Not to sound morbid, but both our dads turn 70 this year. That's not exactly young. I want them to love and KNOW our children. I want our children to have memories of gramma, gramps, nonna, poppop, Grammy, grandpa & grandma. I don't want just baby pictures. I want memories for everyone. 

What if this doesn't work soon enough and they don't meet?  What if my body & fate/god don't play this game fast enough? 

So, I had my breakdown. Keith loved on me. Moxie hasn't stopped snuggling with me. I know I'm loved. And I know our baby will be loved. When the time comes. I just hope it comes quickly. I'm not the most patient person, especially after 7 years of trying...

End breakdown. 

Here is Moxie's "don't cry mom" face: