My Do's & Don'ts

Recently an online friend of mine did a write-up on her blog about unpopular decisions.  It got me thinking about mine.  So, here goes.  I hope to clue people into a bit of my warped mind.  I hope NOT to offend anyone.  I hope we’re all mature enough to accept other people’s opinions as simply that: opinions. 

I’ll start with my DO list.  I DO:

~Vote Republican 99% of the time.  I believe in less government.  As a government employee, I’m not supposed to have a political opinion, so don’t tell anyone.  (by the by, if you are like me in your political view, this site is one of the best reads you'll ever have: http://chicksontheright.com/)

~Try and be the most open-minded person I can be.  I would love to have a civil political or religious conversation with anyone.  I am constantly amazed by how much I can learn about something or someone by just listening to their opinion and point of view.  To each their own.  I hope that the same respect would be afforded to me. 

~Support stem-cell research.  It is NOT aborted fetuses like so many people want to believe.  Stem-cell therapy has infinite possibilities, it is despicable that funding is not funneled into it at every possible moment.  If Stem-Cell research could have given me more time with my Nonni, or given us a baby 3 years ago, who am I to ever go against that?  As Peter Griffin said in a great episode of Family Guy, “Why are we not funding this??”

~Believe in the woman’s right to choose.  I just hope she chooses wisely, and only uses abortion as a medical necessity or for severe psychological reasons.  I also hope that she knows there are tens of thousands of people out there that would more than willingly love her baby if she can’t or won’t.

~Exercise my right to bear arms.  In fact, I bare numerous arms.  And I know how to use them.  It is my house, my animals, my husband, my car, my friends, my family and damned if I’m not going to protect them in any way possible.  I’d much rather meet a gun-toting criminal with a gun of my own, and not a steak knife and 911 on speed dial. 

~Think capital punishment is an excellent idea.  I think the death penalty should be used more frequently for violent crimes and repeat offenders of said crimes.  I think you should get one appeal, and if you lose, you’re next in line.  I also think all the tools that picket the executions should have the option to shut up, or take the prisoner into their home for a couple of years and see how they feel about the execution at that time.  But, I’m an eye-for-an-eye kind of person. 

~Have a hard time being against pot.  I mean, seriously, it’s not as bad as alcohol and yet it’s illegal.  If it was legalized and taxed, imagine the revenue the country would make!!  And I know a lot of people that would be a lot mellower!

~Believe in God with all my heart.  However, if you don’t, I’m not going to try and convert you or change your mind.  I’ll still love you just the same.

I DON’T:

~Believe in global warming.  There is more scientific proof against it than there is for it.  Plus, most of the so-called experts in this ‘field’ have been shown to either be making most of their “evidence” up, or are people like Al Gore, who believes so strongly that global warming is ruining our earth that he travels in private, jumbo jets and SUV’s to spread the word.  Oh, and lives in his 6000 sq ft mansion.  But, please, continue to throw money into the snow.

~Support abortion as a method of birth control.  Use the pill, an IUD, a condom or abstinence.  If you use abortion as a method of birth control, well, I think something bad should happen to you.  Just sayin’.

~Think affirmative action is a good idea.  I think it leads to people using their race/gender/religion/hair color as a crutch instead of part of who they are.  I also think it leads to more discrimination than it fixes.  Instead of looking at people as smart employees who would be an asset, you are seen as a skin color.  I also think that the scholarships strictly for being Hispanic, black, Jewish, under 5’2” or cross-eyed are total and complete BS.  Where was the poor-white-girl college fund?  If I opened a “white, privileged kids only” school, the rotation of the world would come to a crashing halt.  Get a scholarship because you are smart and work hard.  Plain and simple.

~Like Obama.  I think he has done irreparable harm to our country that my grandchildren will have to dig out of.  He spends more time trying to be a celebrity and going on vacations than he does creating jobs, balancing the budget or making laws that actually help people. 

~Like Sarah Palin for a political choice much, either.  I like her opinions.  I like her political stance.  I’d love to hang out with her for a day, fishing or something.  But as a president/vice president/Secretary of State?  No way.  Unfortunately, I think her publicity has done too much harm to her reputation that she can no longer demand or expect respect. 

~Support illegal immigration.  Come here legally. Learn the language. Take the tests. Wait your turn, get your residency, and live in peace.  If you and your family members must sneak over here like criminals, refuse to learn the language of the country, demand that your traditions and customs take precedent over ours, you deserve every bit of discrimination you get.  Get the hell out of our country and do it right!!  The immigrants that did it the right way have my respect more than most natural-born citizens. 

More randomness:
I think I'm physically or mentally incapable of saying "Merry Christmas" back to someone when they say it to me.  You know, some chirps a happy "Merry Christmas!!!" to you, you're supposed to immediately say it right back.  I don't.  I say "Thanks!" or "You too!".  For some reason, I've always felt almost fake if I say it back.  Weird, I know.

I've never learned how to french braid, and I've always wanted to. I've even looked online and watched videos, but it doesn't help. I end up with a huge knot of hair and a possible half-braid in there somewhere.

I despise the movie Wizard of Oz.  Always have.  It basically comes down to me blaming that movie for my parent's divorce.  Now, as an adult, with an amazing set of step-families, I know the divorce was the best thing for everyone.  However, the first time I remember watching that movie, it was at my (soon-to-be) step-mom's house. It was the first time I remember meeting her kids, too. We went over there with my mom, as a family, to meet her whole family, including her husband. While both families were still intact, married to each other...if that makes any sense.  Anyhow, that movie is forever linked in my subconscious with the divorce. 
That being said, I can't WAIT to watch Wicked!

I am terrified of bugs, to the point of being irrational. Rollie Pollie bugs don't bother me though. My mom says I used to catch them and put them in her jewelry box.  I guess they're also known as pill bugs.  Here is what I am talking about. 

I'm a Fanilow.  Yes, you read that correctly, I love Barry Manilow.  I guess it comes from growing up listening to him, as my mom used to actually sing back up for him.  I've been to quite a few concerts, and his was hands-down the best one I've ever seen.  And it was only 6 years ago, so he was old then, too.

I'll leave you with that as your final thought of me for the day.

Changing of the Name...

You may have noticed, I changed the name of this Blog.  Let me start by saying I had to look up how the heck to do that and it still took me about 10 minutes.  I'm not wonderful at this blogging stuff, and I don't understand about 80% of the Internet-blot-HTML-lingo that goes along with it. So, if this isn't as neat or pretty or fun or interactive as other blogs, I apologize for the boredom.  This is probably the best you're gonna get from me! 

When I started the blog, it was about Keith & I jumping into IVF.  All of our family and a lot of our friends are back in Nevada, so this was a way for them to monitor what was going on.  Now that IVF failed, I find this a nice little outlet to rant, rave or just chatter about nothing.  So, I decided that "Fertility Journey" wasn't an appropriate name for this any more.  While we are still on the journey, it is slow and - most the time - uneventful.  It takes a shitload of money to fight infertility. And we're just about tapped out for the time being. 

As I write this, I have a whopping SIX followers.  That's six random people, half that I've never met, that are interested enough in our lives that they casually pay attention when I write something...anything.  To you faithful six:  Thanks!!  :)  I promise to try and offer only entertaining or insightful posts.  I also promise to break that promise many times over, as I'm sure we all have very different opinions on the definition of entertaining and insightful. 

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On a different note, today is the 5 year anniversary of the first time Keith & I were introduced.  Such random things to remember.  My friend Amber was having a poker party.  I was recently single & ready to finally have some fun after 10 long years of ...not fun.  I still remember borrowing a pink Packers hat from a co-worker.  You have to wear a hat when playing poker, so your opponents don't see your eyes and junk like that.  I went to Amber's house early to help her set up.  The first to arrive was a long-time friend of mine, and of Amber's boyfriend, Trinity (Triny).  With Triny, is Keith.  Triny being how he is, gives me a big hug, then elbows Keith and says "This is the big-titted chick I said I'd hook you up with".  Yep, that's how we met.  We didn't talk much that night because the tables were separated Men & Women.  We occasionally talked when my BFF Monica and I went outside, and Keith followed, for...a sub sandwich (shout-out to How I Met Your Mother).  He went home later, sufficiently drunk, and nobody knew it until the girl that gave him a ride came back to greet her boyfriend. 

The next morning, I was hung over and watching movies with Monica.  I decided to call Keith.  I first had to call Triny to get Keith's number.  Then, he didn't answer, so I left him a message.  He called me back about 2 hours later (he was watching the Brown's play when I called, and you don't interrupt a Browns game), came over to Monica's to watch a movie, then drove me home to watch another movie.  I'll never watch Charlie & The Chocolate Factory (of Johnny Depp fame) or EuroTrip again without smiling fondly.  That night, he kissed me at my doorstep when he left and asked to take me to breakfast the next morning.  He arrived promptly (!!) at 9:00, took me to Mom & Pop's for breakfast and the rest is history. 

I'm a sucker for anniversaries of all kind, so tonight we're doing Crab Legs & T-Bones at home.  I may be a sucker, but I'm also a home-body. 

Don't walk on Eggshells

I've been quiet lately, I know.  I originally started this blog as a way to keep our family & friends updated on the IVF process.  I was so confident in it working, I never imagined what I would have to do if it failed, especially in terms of this little blog.  I was ready to post weekly or monthly stats & updates on how the pregnancy was progressing.  Now, I find myself with nothing much to say, but at the same time, wanting to say so much. 

That being said, please don't walk on eggshells around me or Keith. 
I was talking to a dear friend of mine, J, when we went back to Nevada.  She is about 3 months along now with her 4th little one.  I've known her since her daughter was a toddler (she's now 11).  J let me know that she felt guilty about being pregnant, especially since they were trying to NOT be pregnant.  But, she's always been a don't-sneeze-on-me-or-I'll-be-pregnant kind of person.  And she makes gorgeous kids!  So, she's telling me this, and I noticed that she initially wouldn't use the word "pregnant" and then hesitated before using it later on.  I started thinking about this after we talked and I wondered if it was intentional?  She's a very sensitive person who would take my feelings into her heart, and she's the kind of person that would avoid using the word so it didn't break me apart.  I don't know if it was intentional, or if she was having pregnancy brain, but it started me musing about others as well. 

Some people won't ask us if the IVF worked.  They hint around about it, dance circles around the subject, but don't specifically ask.  Some ask, but then obviously don't want to discuss the answer once they hear "no".  They immediately change the subject.  The majority of people simply avoid the subject.  If it is brought up, they are obviously uncomfortable discussing it. 

I'll clue you in on our feelings:
We're devastated.
It sucks.  Royally.  We spent many days & night crying about it.  I still get very emotional, especially when I see pregnant people.  That's my Kryptonite.  I can handle seeing babies, it's the pregnancies that get me.  But, I don't want people to avoid the subject.  I've come to grips with it and I won't break by discussing it.  I'm still of the mindset that education is everything, so if I can open one more person's eyes to the reality of infertility, I'm all for it.  I may get emotional, but I will be hurt if you avoid me because of it. 

We're pissed. 
We put every spare penny we had into this and we feel like we have nothing to show for it.  In reality, we know that isn't true.  We're in the lucky 30% that had embryos to freeze.  We don't have to start from scratch to try again.  We only have to come up with about 1/3 of the money to do a frozen cycle.  But that seems like an unobtainable goal right now. We don't know when we'll have that kind of money available again, since we're now paying on the loan we took out to get there in the first place.  So, yes, we may be angry, sometimes even bitter, at the situation as a whole. 

We're strong.
We're getting used to the fact that we end up consoling others.  You all have been with us every step of the way, and we know that you put your prayers and thoughts and 'sticky dust' behind our success 100%.  Knowing this, we also know that your hearts broke a bit, too.  So, we will readily accept your hugs just as we willingly give our own.

We're in love.
And that's all that truly matters.  We are nowhere close to being ready to give up on our dream of a baby.  But until we have that baby, we have each other.  We are content in each other's company.  We still entertain ourselves and relish our time together, without a crying baby or demanding toddler.  We're trying to squeeze in every moment of "adult time" while we can, so we can wholly be there for our future children, without regrets of what we may be missing. 

So, this coming weekend, we're doing dinner & date night, to celebrate the 5 year anniversary of our first date.  In 3 weeks, weather permitting, we're heading to Elko to lavish our nephews & niece with love & attention & goodies.  And until we have a baby to join us, we're making the best out of the families we already have.  Our fur-babies, Sophie, Oz, Cassi & Cleo included.