Results

Well, we got the official results today that we are NOT pregnant.  Kinda figured since I had cramps on Wednesday and started my period yesterday.  But they insisted I get the blood test today to confirm.  Which it did. 

The nurse immediately started talking about a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET).  We are lucky enough to have 5 so-so quality embryo's frozen.  She said that we could do a transfer as early as the middle of December, but really whenever we want to.  I told her that it definitely would not be December because we still have to find a way to come up with the money.  An FET is the 'discounted' price of $3000.  But, she said she also understands if we aren't emotionally ready.

Keith and I spent yesterday at home, wallowing in our sorrow.  We were so positive and so optimistic about this working.  Even though we're so used to the disappointment of "no" when it comes to this, we were still upbeat.  Earlier this week, I started losing that upbeat feeling.  I started preparing myself for a negative result.  I thought I was ready.  But this is much harder than I thought it would be. 

I guess we just feel like we put all our eggs in this basket, and the basket just got run over by a steamroller.  We put every last penny into this and now we have nothing left over.  A lot of couples go on a mini-vacation after an IVF failure.  Something to just enjoy each other and get their minds off of the failure.  We can't do that, because we literally drained every last resource to pay for this.  I think that's where the anger comes in.  So angry that the money seems 'wasted'.  I know, I know...it's really not because we had to try. We have snow-babies. 

But right now, I'm still smothering myself in self-pity.  We're both really appreciative of all the support from our family and friends. I know that you all had so much hope for this, just as we did.  You all invested prayers and positive thoughts for us, and we're so very, very grateful for that.  I've had a few friends ask me how I'm doing.  My answer has been, "I'm surviving".  That's the best I can do for now.